he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
