i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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