I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
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all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
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I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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