my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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