I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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