I am midnight drunk by noon
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
