she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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