my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
