Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Randomize
