We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
