What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Randomize
