I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
