Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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