Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
