I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
