I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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