We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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