just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
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