i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Life is so much better after having sex.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
