he wants to bone in the snuggie
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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