You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
