Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
The feeling are messing with the penis
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
