Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
