he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
