Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
