dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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