dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
