I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I'm bleeding and have questions
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
