I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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