he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
