Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
