i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
