But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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