Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
