I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
