this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
