i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Randomize
