There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Randomize
