You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
These tits shall not be calmed
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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