I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
