Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
