I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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