I need help removing her.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
