Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
i would one night stand the shit outta him
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
