is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
