Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
sarcasm needs its own font
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
