Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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