I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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