so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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