yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
