K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
