Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
