i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Randomize
