he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Randomize
