This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
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