Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
they're like a gay fantastic four
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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