oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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