The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
