idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
