I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
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