no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Randomize
