i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
