THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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