ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
my nose is crying tears of wow.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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