I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
