I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
