She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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