my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
