I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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