She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
