Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
