he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
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