So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Randomize
