Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
