So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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